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When a no is a NO


Ever since Mahmood Farooqui was set free by Delhi High Court, feminists and media has gone in overdrive. May I say that scandalous reporting, “A No does not always mean No, says Delhi HC” and sorts have just added the fuel to the fire.

It took me some time to read the judgment and see the import of the judgment and what he meant a “no may not always mean no, and it has to be deduced from the attended circumstances”. And then I read few of the reports on this judgment and realized that a Hindu and a Muslim can’t discuss “COW” as a bovine animal, it would always be an unequal fight where the party who screams louder would be heard.

One needs to understand the judgment in its complete entirety and light of facts which were examined to make an opinion. The factual matrix of the case is as follows:

The prosecutix was known to Mahmood Farooqui and they both were involved in lot of physical contacts including kissing, groping and so on on many occasions. The lustful relationship was of such level when on one day the wife of Mahmood Farooqui went out of the room, they kissed each other. They routinely exchanged SMSes and on the fateful day at the house of Mahmood Farooqui they consumed liquor and exchanged kisses. Then Mahmood Farooqui asked for sexual favors from the prosecutix, who kept quiet and Mahmood Farooqui performed cunnilingus with her and she faked orgasm. In all this from exchange of kisses to Farooqui performing cunnilingus prosecutix once said a feeble “NO” to Mahmood Farooqui and then she kept quite because the Nirbhaya incident was fresh in her mind. And then she felt bad for herself and wrote an affectionately remonstrative email to Mahmood Farooqui that the other day they went little too far. Then after few months, after due counselling and consultations, she decided to file an FIR because she thought she was raped on that fateful day.

Delhi HC after details scrutiny of facts and in a detailed 82 page judgment stated many contradictions in the story of the proscutix and then came to a conclusion that

“In the present case, the unwillingness of the prosecutrix was only in her own mind and heart but she communicated something different to the appellant. If that were not so, the prosecutrix would not have told the appellant that he had gone too far on that night. At what point of time, during the act, did she not give the consent for the same, thus, remains unknown and it can safely be said that the appellant had no idea at all that the prosecutrix was unwilling. It is not unknown that during sexual acts, one of the partners may be a little less willing or, it can be said unwilling but when there is an assumed consent, it matters not if one of the partners to the act is a bit hesitant. Such feeble hesitation can never be understood as a positive negation of any advances by the other partner.”

If the judgment had left the finding till this level, I think media and feminists would have a different reason to blast the judgment. It is only because the judgment went a step further and added the below paragraph where it differentiates feeble no between two strangers and two known people who had past history of sexual innuendos amongst them that all hell broke loose.

“Instances of woman behavior are not unknown that a feeble ‘no’ may mean a ‘yes’. If the parties are strangers, the same theory may not be applied…But same would not be the situation when parties are known to each other, are persons of letters and are intellectually/academically proficient, and if, in the past, there have been physical contacts. In such cases, it would be really difficult to decipher whether little or no resistance and a feeble ‘no’, was actually a denial of consent.”

I fail to understand why one line is taken out of context and such a hue and cry is made out of it. Consent is often rightly presumed on the basis of actions. Non-verbal communication is more strong than verbal communication. If I invite a person to cup of coffee and he comes and I order two cups of coffee and we have coffee, that person, later, under no circumstances, accuse me of making him drink coffee against his wishes. The person had more than one chance of saying no and when he did not communicate his negation to me and keeps his negation in his heart and mind, how the hell am I going to decipher that he did not want to have coffee.

In a bid to make sexual offences laws more friendly towards women, we have added many caveats to the same which are stringent against the accused if not confusing. Let’s study the explanation in definition of rape:

Explanation 2:- Consent means an unequivocal voluntary agreement when a woman by words, gestures or any form of verbal or non-verbal communication, communicates willingness to participate in the specific sexual act:

Provided that a woman who does not physically resist to the act of penetration shall not by the reason only of that fact, be regarded as consenting to the sexual activity.

Now, how does Mahmood Farooqui understand the party is consenting or not. If a lady exchanges kisses, hugs and other sexual advances and goes to an extent that she kisses him when his wife briefly goes out of room. Then on the fateful days exchanges kisses freely and does not resist the further act, how should have Mahmood Farooqui gotten into her heart and mind to know that her consent now onwards is vitiated with fear of “Nirbhaya” running through her mind.

My dear feminazies, a “no” is a “no” only when communicated in such circumstances and not if not communicated. We should not allow anyone to change his/ her confused YES to a NO on a later date after deliberation in a criminal trial, which affects the right of another person’s freedom and life.

And lest, I take your absurd argument to its equally scandalous interpretation, one would have to agree that even during sex when a woman moans ever so softly “Oh No, Oh No” a man should stop the act in between, lest it be considered a rape.

Ah! Even when I write, I can hear few feminazies say, “Yes, a man should stop then and there and check, whether she was moaning or saying NO and ask for her consent again before proceeding with the act.”


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  1. Jitesh M October 15, 2017 Reply

    You seem to be a sensible MRA. Please don’ damage your credibility by writing such stupid and ill informed articles. You can’t say a feeble N or a non feeble NO. Even I have seen judgement where the NO was very clearly communicated. I wonder if you committed that part on purpose. Kissing, groping is not equal to consent for sex. For all the men complaining here, if tomorrow your daughter kisses and gropes her boyfriend and even goes to base2 with him. The next day he can’t assume it is Okay to go to base 3 without her consent. Feeble ya raise phi no ka seawall hi nahi hai. No means No. You can’t dissect it by what happened before the No or how loud or not the No was. And yes, it is understandable that she was quiet because of the Nirbhaya incident. It just shows the privilege you men enjoy of being safe and not worrying about being left to die when making out with a woman, unfortunately women don’t have this privilege thanks to men killing them left right and centre when they resist. Rapes are real. DOn’t trivialise it by your ill informed opinion. Stop terming it as ‘feminist propaganda’. What you are doing could be termed as MRA propaganda, but I will give you the benefit of doubt and say these are ill informed statements by men who refuse to understand or acknowledge women’s reality.
    I am only telling you this because I see a relatively sensible and decent MRA in you, from whatI have seen till now. So please, don’t ruin the faith I my want to put in you by making such statements. Stop making out women to be liars who file court cases just for the fun of it. There is no fun in running to courts and sending lacs of rupees down the drain day after day for tens of years of your life. Of all people you should now that. Discuss and ask women if you don’t understand. Listen to them before jumping to conclusions. But don’t write such ill informed articles. In trying to malign feminists you are only maligning MRAs in the eyes of men.

    • Author
      Shonee Kapoor October 23, 2017 Reply

      I respect your views. You have as much right of your views, as I have of mine.

      • Singh January 19, 2018 Reply


    • Singh January 19, 2018 Reply


    • Fight Back January 19, 2018 Reply

      I read your comment and my reply has nothing to do with any part of your views other than “There is no fun in running to courts……”

      Through you and any other noble soul, I would like to understand why anyone commits suicide or why someone commits a crime even like murder or why do a child fail in a class or why someone becomes drug addict etc etc? Those all who do, indeed know that what they are doing is not right in eyes of many other’s but they do and have their own reasons as well to justify.

      I don’t see anyone born to do all that or they would want to do all that, but they still do. I wish to know this why so that may be one can have fare understanding of why would they waste their time and money in Court.

  2. Exploradven September 28, 2017 Reply

    The problem with the world is, after drinking and enjoying a cup of coffee with another person who has paid for the coffee, the first (here) drinker (if of one gender and/or “victim-only” group) gets a mild loose-motion then that person has been given legal rights to sue the person who paid for coffee for war crimes, because 1st drinker getting loose motion is interpreted and attributed as PTSD like conditions pushed into the unwilling 1st drinker’s life / mind by the paid coffee drinker.

  3. Sundeep Bhardwaj September 28, 2017 Reply

    Fantastic Anatomy of the incident put forward in the blog #SDBWP

  4. Ansuman Gautam September 27, 2017 Reply

    Excellent judgement and excellent analysis by Shonee ji. A very important beginning on the basis of analyzing consensual sex has been made.

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