One of my favourite opening lines of a book, The Adventures of Griswald Gnome: A Fairy Tale for Children of all Ages, is – “A reformed deformer, searcher of research, a regrind grinder, one who once faltered, but reflated and did rejoin as a joiner. If I might presume, I’m going to lecture you. This statement is my testament; my supreme objective is to preserve the perverse.”
And I am all of them. This piece is a lecture, which is perverse. This is the story of how I faltered and reflected in my life. This is how I researched, and yes, I am reformed from the person who was in depression and finally got rejoined with my son and (current) better half. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was the best thing that happened in my life ever since I married for the first time. And it was nearly three years apart. As a re-iterate, this piece is a perverse lecture on the benefits of being hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). I don’t say that the law is not draconian. But, I have a habit of finding positives in the most negative situations. This attitude has served me well in life.
Imagine you feel frightened to get back home. Imagine the worst mood swings your partner would be having. Having spent her day watching useless television, she would be ready to pick up a fight on this thing or that thing. Imagine that after the back-breaking day, she would keep you awake till the wee hours of the morning to discuss the topic, which we had a discussion on 100 times in the past. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was a break from all that.
Benefit 1: It ended
I had once filed for divorce before I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). But, for the sake of my child and under the pressure of family and society, I compromised and brought my lovely 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife back. Some people, however, don’t change. Soon, the same grind resumed, affecting my moods, health, work, and peace. When she filed a complaint in Women’s Cell, I sighed in relief. I knew instinctively this would be the end. Yes, 498A is hell. But as Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” I refused to bring back my wife despite pressure from DSP and much to the chagrin of my immediate family as I was facing a certain imprisonment. Trust me, time in jail was much better than time with my 498A wife. I slept up to 20 hours daily, making up for the lost sleep. More often than not, 498A means divorce is inevitable, whether in 6 months or six years, but it is a given thing.
Benefit 2: I started smiling again
I remember the phone call I gave to my MD after I got released from imprisonment. He asked me in his style, “Hey Young Man! How are you?” I replied, “Terrific”. His response was golden, “It’s good to hear terrific from you after so long.” Yes, that was real me. I was always smiling, laughing, happy, and cracking jokes. I had lost the real me in the marriage. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) brought back the real me. Not only did I start smiling again, but I also smiled more broadly and laughed more loudly ever since and through the trial. When would you smile if you saw the same unhappy, fighting and brooding person the first and last thing in the day? And what happens at home is reflected in every walk of your life.
Benefit 3: My health improved
There was a time in my marriage when my acidity levels were very high. My blood pressure levels went too high. I was gaining weight and often had heartburn. Some people even suspected that my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife was feeding me some nefarious substances. In any case, I think her mere existence in my life was nefarious. With her gone, my health started improving. I lost weight, my blood pressure has never increased since, and I have no heartburn or acidity problems.
Benefit 4: I started meeting people I loved
I am a people’s person. I love people. I love talking to people. I love mingling with people. Be it my teachers of yore, my uncles and aunts, my childhood bums, my cousins, my colleagues from wherever or the person I met at the last weekly meeting. I love people because interaction is my lifeline. I learn from them. I work with them. I chisel my ideas with them. I play pranks and have fun with them. A lousy marriage puts a stop to all of that. A pestering and ever-doubting spouse can be a pain in the neck. When the spouse was a loner, she wanted me to take care of her.
I have had enough of this isolation—and four years of my cases. Not even a single day, I did not have at least two invites to spend the evening with. It is a different matter that I could not accept all those invites, and they kept piling and repeating. But yes, I started meeting people again. Unlike I hear from most people, only two of my so many known friends and acquaintances ever avoided me after I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). And for them also, I say – Good Riddance. And did I love it? But that’s the next point.
Benefit 5: You may find Love
If I were to write a book, it would be titled “Love in the time of 498A” (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023). No doubt, if the writer would tolerate my perforation of the title of his celebrated work, he would also tolerate my twisting his famous quote to “There is no greater glory than to wait for love.” Right after I was hit by 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023), I met a woman who complements me and completes me. She waited for over four years for her conviction and faith in me. She also supported her decision when most of her family was against it. Finding such a person, even after the ordeal of jail visits and long trials, is worth it.
Benefit 6: My passions found an outlet
I fondly read. To the extent that initially, my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) wife used to call books as her “Soutan”. Soon, she started treating books like the real “Soutan”. Reading a book was a cue to begin a fight or invent one. With Mrs. 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) gone, my allegiance with books deepened. This time, there was a purpose, too. I got hooked on law books, amongst others. This website is just a fraction of what I learned from my renewed mistress – books.
Benefit 7: I found a Mission
There comes a time in your life when everything you have learned and done culminates into a defining decision. For me, my wife’s filing of false 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) was just that. I made it into a mission that would not only bring back my son and get my family members out of this whole mess (both of which I did) but also help others who get caught in the claws of this draconian law. After I defended and won my 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) and got my son back, I put all my energies into fighting 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) and its allied laws. In the last five years, I started an NGO- Sahodar, through which I meet victims of Gender-Biased laws every week; I created this website through which the awareness reaches beyond boundaries and time zones, started “Sahodar Support Whatsapp Groups” for the current victims seeking support and legal advice, which incidentally have grown to world’s largest men’s rights support group having more than 2800 members as on date.
Some of you may call me lucky, but luck is the residue of preparation. I was a layman with little understanding of law like most everyday people. But I persevered to prepare myself to fight this battle. I am sure that going through 498A (Husband or relative of husband of a woman subjecting her to cruelty: Proposed Section 84 of The Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023) is a life-changing experience for most of us, to make that a positive change is entirely dependent on the person who goes through it.